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September 24, 2017

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Beat The Unemployment Trap, Find a Job Faster

Being unemployed for any period of time can be very frustrating and lead to a feeling of helplessness. And the longer one stays without a job, the more difficult it becomes to get employed. With research showing that it takes on average 5 years for a graduate in Kenya to get a job, it pays to be creative when it comes to job hunting.

Be Where Opportunity Can Find You

It is difficult for a job to find you at home so it pays to go out where jobs can easily locate you. Increase your chances of being hired by being in the face of those who are seeking to hire.

1. Volunteer

Start small and grow. Very few people are willing to accept jobs that are not in line with their level of training. There is a lot you can either teach yourself or undertake short courses that will make it easier for you to enter the job market. It might seem unacceptable to join the workforce as a driver, front office staff, customer service or sales and marketing staff while you have a degree in law or computer science. It is, however, more difficult to be unemployed year after year.

Take a short course such as driving or machine operator course. Apply for different kinds of jobs including the jobs that are easier to get, even as you continue looking for the right job as per your qualifications. Opportunities don’t find us while we are sitting in the house mourning about not being able to find a job. Go out there and get busy working where opportunities have a chance to find you.

Give your best at your job and get noticed. Be helpful and go beyond your call of duty. Offer to do extra duties in your free time while keeping your eyes open for openings in your line of qualifications. Make sure to capture it all in your CV.

2. Create Employment For Yourself

One reason why graduates in Kenya find it difficult to get absorbed into the job market is because their areas of training are not in line with the needs of the market. Jobs such as mechanics, machine operators, farmers, technicians, graphic designers, tour guides, photographers, video editors, and waiters are usually available but graduates are neither trained in those fields nor are they interested in such jobs. However, being jobless year after year is worse.

We live in the age of information. We are spoilt for choice in terms of online resources. You can train yourself in a line of work that enables you to be self-employed. There are online tutorials to guide you. You can train yourself in hairdressing, baking, painting, writing, web design, software development and much more.

Self-education takes dedication as you have to set your own schedules and it does take several months or a couple of years of continuous training to acquire the necessary expertise. Manage your time well. Allocate time for making job applications and also for training in the new line of work you wish to pursue. If you put in the work and are disciplined, you can be an expert in a new field in six to nine months, probably less if you give it your all.

Package Yourself Right

Two things create first impressions; your CV and your physical appearance. Many fresh graduates fail to get hired because of their CVs. Prepare your CV with utmost care. Make sure that you capture all the important information including responsibilities you have had in school as well as in the community.

Read your CV over and over again and correct grammatical and spelling errors. Cross check for correct flow of ideas. Talk to the people you would like to serve as your referees and let them know that you are looking for a job and would appreciate their support. Print your CV on quality paper and present it well, preferably in an attractive folder rather than in an envelope.

Take care of your personal appearance even if you have only one good outfit. Keep it clean and well pressed and also have matching accesories for it. Many people might not notice that you wear the same outfit, especially if you are creative in varying the accessories.

Something else that works against many fresh graduates is not having clarity about what they really want out of life. They are too general when looking for a job, ready to accept whatever job comes their way. Take time to evaluate yourself in terms of skills and expertise, passions, capabilities and personality. What sort of work makes you come alive?

Define your desired line of work to the minutest detail and package yourself according to what you have to offer. Avoid having periods in your life when you are idle as that will translate into gaps in your CV.

Once you have clarity about the sort of work you want to pursue, get busy looking for opportunities to get involved in activities that give you relevant experience, even if you will have to volunteer. Capture your roles and experiences in such tasks in detail. Remember that many employers are unlikely to ask you how much you earned while performing such tasks. They are interested in the specific roles and responsibilities you have experience in.

Do not fall in the trap of many fresh graduates who wonder how prospective employers expect them to have job experience yet they have never been employed. Use your creativity to acquire relevant experience as you continue searching for your dream job.

Much as the job market is constantly shrinking and getting jobs is becoming more difficult by the day, there is a lot you can do to beat the unemployment trap and get your dream job faster.

To book a free mentorship session, click here.

Financial Independence Africa
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September 24, 2017

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Marriage Should Make You Thrive, Not Diminish

A human being’s life is a web of relationships or connections with different people. An individual has relationships with the spouse, family members, friends, colleagues, neighbors, one’s children and many other different people.

The Marital Relationship is Not The Only Relationship in One’s Life

A married person was a whole human being before partnering with someone else to build a home together. Each of the partners had different kinds of relationships as part of their lives before they got married. Much as the marital relationship is very important, it is not the only relationship that matters and it should not destroy other relationships.

If you are married and the only relationships you have are those you and your spouse share, you are not living a full life. And if the only activities you participate in are those you share with your spouse, you are not living a full life either.

Relationships with your colleagues at work, business associates, fellow chama members, friends and acquaintances don’t have to be shared between spouses unless in cases where the two work together or participate in those activities together.

Married Yet Thriving 

A full life means thriving in all areas of life; family life, hobbies, career and social circles. Getting married does not kill one’s passions, hobbies and associations. In a healthy marriage, both partners are constantly growing and becoming better, learning new things. Jim Rohn said that anything you do not use, you lose it; brains, talents, skills or physical energy. Marriage should not stiffle you in any of the important areas of life; it should make you thrive.

You are a successful lady lawyer or school teacher and are now married. Should your husband demand that you should quit that line of work and instead run a motorcycle spare parts shop in your neighborhood? Having a life partner who supports, motivates and encourages you should make you become better at what is important to you.

Personal Decisions Cannot Be Made On Behalf of Another

Should a husband decide for his wife whether she should pursue her career or not, whether she should live with him in the city or live in the village with his parents? Should he make personal decisions on behalf of his wife? Learn more about submission in marriage here.

The world looked in admiration as Michelle Obama campaigned for her husband and also as she campaigned for Hillary Clinton, the American Democratic Party’s Presidential nominee in the 2016 elections. Both Michelle and Hillary Clinton are career lawyers and they have gone on to enjoy successful public careers on top of their law careers.

Two individuals who are both living life to the fullest and are constantly pushing themselves to become better make great marriage partners, unlike someone who feels useless and trapped in a situation.

Are you living life to your full potential? If you have untapped potential that you wish to exploit, book a free mentorship session here.

Financial Independence Africa
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September 8, 2017

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Healing from Trauma

Experiencing traumatic events hurts deeply and can result in scarring for life, with some going on to develop a condition called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). There are people who experience trauma but don’t get scarred for life, depending on factors such as their belief systems and how they handle the trauma.

For healing to occur, it is important to experience and process the emotions and to also have the right support systems. People who are stopped from grieving and expressing themselves are likely to suffer longer, as happens with people who believe that experiencing pain is a sign of weakness or lack of faith. Suppressing the emotions or trying to forget them forces the pain to go inwards, wrecking havoc.

The stages to recovery

Stage 1: Numbness

The pain and shock from the trauma is too much for the individual to handle so they just shut down and seem to be in a trance. It is like they have gone into hibernation. They have lost touch with reality and seem not to be functioning. This is the body’s way of protecting itself from destruction.

The person should be given space to go through the stage, without lectures and trying to reason with them. A person who is at this stage might hardly eat, which can worry those around them. The body is functioning on the mere basics so the demands are minimal.

Stage 2: Experiencing The Feelings

Once the numbness stage passes, then comes the stage of experiencing the pain. The traumatized individual wants to talk about their pain over and over and again. They tell their story without ceasing. Many people find it disturbing to listen to the story and try to silence the person with words such as ‘The person is in a better place now. It was God’s will. They are no longer in pain.” Others tell the person that the incident already passed so it is not good to keep on talking about it. 
If we want a traumatized person to heal, then we have to let them talk about their pain for as long as they want to talk about it no matter how uncomfortable it makes us feel. This stage can go on for months, sometimes on and off. It can be confusing to the people around the hurting person, who seems to get over it then weeks or months later they go back to the same thing and begin talking about it all over again. 
We have to listen no matter how difficult it is to do so. That is the support that the hurting person needs. It is not about you and your comfort; but about the wounded person and their journey to healing. The more freely a hurting person can speak about their pain, the faster they will heal.
Some hurting people choose to write about their pain while others draw. Whatever route the person chooses should be respected and they should not be stopped. They should not be taken on guilt trips about what is acceptable and what is not. 
Sometimes the hurting person wants to visit the site of the traumatic event, such as the grave of the loved one. They will need all the support to do that, but they should not be stopped. If they cry, scream, talk endlessly, blame God or whatever works for them, they should not be interfered with. That is not the time to give lectures about what is right and what isn’t. 

Stage 3: Taking Action

A hurting person identifies with the hurting of others and feels a kind of solidarity with them. They want to reach out to other hurting people and make their journey less painful. A hurting person might go out and volunteer or comfort others and the person can work tirelessly helping others. It is a normal part of the journey to healing. 

Stage 4: Being Reborn

Isn’t it surprising that many people who have achieved tremendous success have experienced tragedy in their lives? Do we wonder why this is the case? There is truth to the statement ‘what does not kill you makes you stronger.’ 
There are many people who do not experience full healing from trauma. They remain weak and vulnerable and some are destroyed for life. Others die prematurely, because their pain kills them. But for those who go through the stages to healing correctly and heal, they become stronger than the average person. 
Being in touch with one’s vulnerability and pain can do one a lot of good. They get to understand themselves and to find clarity about their life’s purpose. They can become very focused, fearless and undeterred. Surviving a traumatic experience can bring out new strength and determination in a person. 

The Critical Role Support Systems Play

The support systems one has after experiencing a traumatic event are very important in determining whether the person heals or ends up destroyed for life. A hurting person who is lectured about how wrong it is to grieve is likely to end up crippled by the pain for life. 
A hurting person who is given permission to grieve no matter how painful or how long it takes and who also has people to hold their hands when they are being reborn, is likely to come out stronger than before the tragedy. 
The person might suddenly want to excel in poetry, art, music or something else and if they get the right support such as mentors or being linked up with the training they need to excel, they are likely to become exceptionally good at their new found passion. Some people discover their talents after traumatic events. 
Traumatic events are very painful and can leave life long scars but with the right support, a survivor can become transformed into an exceptionally successful member of society. 
Have you experienced trauma and would benefit from support to help you heal? Book a free session here. 
This article is written by Susan Catherine Keter
Website: www.susancatherineketer.com
Financial Independence Africa
Coaching, Entrepreneurship |

September 8, 2017

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5 Simple Steps to Kick Debt Out of Your Life

You took a loan but your circumstances have now changed. You lost your job, your business collapsed or a loved one was diagnosed with a serious illness costing you a fortune in medical treatments. The financial institution that extended the loan to you will still expect you to pay up. They are custodians of people’s money and cannot therefore afford to lose the money that is entrusted to them. Here are 5 simple steps to enable you live debt free.

1. Stop Borrowing

You cannot get out of a hole if you keep digging. Yes, people around you believe that you are worth a certain standard of living but struggling to impress them is only going to push you to a life of misery. Sooner or later the bubble will bust and you might find yourself facing auctioneers so stop complicating your life.
If you can’t afford a car, don’t buy one. If you had already bought a car on loan and can barely stay afloat; sell it. Plan how you are going to afford to buy one and work on a plan to make that a reality. It is definitely difficult to learn to operate without a car after being used to one but struggling to maintain a lifestyle you cannot afford will have disastrous results in the long run.

2. Live Within Your Means

This sounds really easy yet many people actually don’t do it. Begin with a plan. Money that is not planned for can end up anywhere. Spending money without a plan is like getting into your car and driving off without any plan where you are headed. Budget carefully before you begin to spend your money. A budget will help you identify expenditures you could cut out.
The money you have is all that you have to work with so you have to learn to either trim your expenses or to grow your income. You will need to learn where to buy stuff cheaper, how to do some stuff such as hairdressing at home rather than paying for the services, how to carry packed lunch to work rather than eating in restaurants and other cost cutting measures. You will have to learn how make better use of your time, how you can be creative during your free time so that you can earn some extra coins.
Be careful when it comes to cutting your expenses. You could end up creating bigger problems in the name of cutting costs. Moving to a cheaper house in an unsafe neighborhood could lead to massive losses as you get targeted by thieves. You could even get physically harmed. Cutting down on the budget for food without due diligence could compromise your health and that of your family if it results in unhealthy diet in the name of cheap.

3. Start Saving

It does not matter what your level of income is, not having any savings is like driving a car without oil. Failure to save is the number one cause of debts. Unexpected things happen from time to time such as some equipment that you cannot do without breaking down and requiring major repairs or replacement, or sudden illness of a family member. People borrow when emergencies strike and they have no emergency fund.
You will not be able to get out of debt if you continue with the same habits that created it, so learn discipline if you want to become debt free. Once you earn your income, save the amount that ought to go to your savings, ideally not less than 10% of your income, then figure out how to manage on the balance.
If you cannot make ends meet on the balance after savings, do not think of borrowing or spending your savings in order to fill the holes. Evaluate your lifestyle and identify areas where you can cut out some expenses or think of creative ways to supplement your income.

4. Manage Your Debts

You cannot fight an enemy you do not know and neither can you deal with debt you do not know. List all your debts down, whether big or small. Classify them according to interest rates. You want to get those debts with the highest interest rate out of the way first, even as you still service the other debts. It is very easy to ignore or even forget some debts if they are not documented, which can have disastrous results when payment is suddenly demanded, catching you unawares.
Whatever extra money comes your way, use it to make getting out of debt a reality. Being debt free is the best treat you can give yourself so make it your top priority. Sometimes someone visits bringing you shopping that saves you cash or you manage to purchase something at a discounted price.
There is no money that is too little when it comes to dealing with debts so no matter how little the extra money is, use it to pay off some debt. People who are in debt still spend money on unnecessary things, probably because they feel that the debts are too big and the amount they have is too little to have any impact.
Every coin you pay not only reduces your debt but also portrays your commitment to clearing the debt. It is better to pay 500 shillings than to pay nothing at all. Making frequent small payments will work in your favor should you need to renegotiate the payment terms with the lender.

5. Respect Your Money

To stay out of debt, you need to respect every coin. Giving out money freely without expecting those being given to take any responsibility is lack of respect for your money. Enabling irresponsible people is a sign that you do not respect your money. Failing to be watchful over your money and spending it like you are on a free fall not only messes your finances but trains you to become an irresponsible person.
What effort did it take you to earn your money, or were you given for free?  Become a fierce defender of every coin. You will not buy stuff you do not need however cheap it is or even if it is being sold at a discount. You also will not dish out money like you are the savior of the world. You respect and take care of every coin.
We are not in control of everything that happens in our lives. Financial fortunes change and sometimes we find ourselves in debt. The mountain of debt can look so big that you give up making efforts to scale it.
Take charge by taking care of every coin and paying off your debts one step at a time. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. It is better to pay a few coins towards reducing your debt than to spend those coins on something you do not really need.
Would you need help to get your finances in order? Book a free coaching session here.
This article is written by Susan Catherine Keter
Financial Independence Africa
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September 6, 2017

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Depression Among Teens

Teen Depression

Kenyans were horrified to receive news of a dormitory fire in a girls’ boarding school that resulted in loss of life and injuries to students. What has been even more shocking is the unconfirmed reports that the fire was not an accident by an act of arson most likely from a disturbed student, who had already attempted suicide twice.

It is widely believed that parenting teenagers is difficult, with many parents feeling at their wits end in their dealings with their teenage children. Being overworked, financial difficulties, relationship problems and other challenges of life further complicate parents’ situations. It is easy for a parent to fail to notice that a teen is undergoing some challenges.

Having battled depression myself and also being a mother who has gone through the struggles of bringing up a depressed teenager, I would like to share some information that could help other parents. A depressed teen will portray some behaviors that go beyond the normal teenage problems which can be attributed to hormonal changes. Teen depression can run in families so the depressed teen might have other close family members who have had depression.

 There is no specific test to detect depression so close family members, friends, classmates and teachers can help to identify that the individual’s behavior and temperament have changed.

There are telltale signs such as being pessimistic about life, talking as if no one cares, speaking about dying, using alcohol or drugs as an escape from mental anguish and giving up in life. Here is a list to guide people who deal with teenagers to know when to seek help. A depressed teen will portray some or all of them.

Signs and Symptoms of Teen Depression

* Apathy or indifference

* Withdrawal from people in her life such as family and friends, and spending a lot of time locked up in her room
* Lack of motivation
·         * Loss of interest in activities she previously enjoyed
·         * Sleeping excessively (some stay awake at night and sleep during the day)
·         * Changes in eating habits
·         * Frequent complaints of bodily aches such as headaches and stomachache
·         * Irresponsible behavior such as failing to do their obligations, skipping classes, chronic lateness
·          * Rudeness, rebellious behavior or engaging in criminal activities such as stealing
·         * Frequent sadness which could be accompanied with crying for no apparent reason, anxiety, feelings of hopelessness and excessive feelings of guilt
·         * Memory loss/forgetfulness
·         * Sudden changes in weight (weight loss or weight gain)
·         * Preoccupation with death and dying
·         * Drop in academic performance
·         * Use of alcohol or drugs
·         * Engaging in risky sexual behavior
·         * Self-harm or attempted suicide

Teen depression can co-exist with other psychiatric disorders such as anxiety or substance abuse. It could also be masking more severe conditions such as bipolar disorder.

Many teenagers spend a lot of time away from home in boarding schools. Schools hardly have the capacity to handle such cases, with disturbed teenagers often punished, suspended or expelled from school. It is important for parents to be well equipped to know when their teenagers need help.

What Causes Teen Depression and What Can Parents Do To Protect Their Children?

Stressful life situations such as family difficulties (changes in finances as happens when a parent loses a job or marriage breaks), having a close family member who is seriously ill or death in the family can push a teenager to depression. 
Perceived failure especially in a family or school where there is overemphasis on academic grades or being unfairly compared with another sibling who is performing better could contribute to depression. Desperation and hopelessness that accompany depression can push a teen to suicide.

Childhood abuse or trauma predisposes children to depression later in life, which could happen during teenage. Protect your children from abuse right from birth. Be observant if you leave your small children with caregivers. Help children cope with traumatic events such as the death of a loved one. Seek professional help for them if necessary.

Depression sometimes runs in families so if you have close family members who have had depression or who committed suicide, be extra supportive of your children from a young age. Avoid using negative messages to get children to do what you want, but reinforce of positive behavior instead.
Parenting teenagers can be very challenging because many of them are difficult to handle, leading to conflicts with parents. Much as teenagers can push a parent to the wall, it is important to learn to correct them without embarrassing them or wounding their spirit.

Nurture healthy communication such that the teenagers are not only listened to but they are assured that they are loved. They are struggling with change in hormones that they do not understand, a burden to them already. Others have just joined boarding school and could be victims of bullying and harassment from older students. Be there for them.

Avoid over controlling teenagers and being overprotective in an effort to ensure that they do not make mistakes. Making decisions for them can make them feel helpless, angry and less confident.
Give them breathing space and learn to negotiate things with them rather than always saying ‘no’ to anything that you do not agree with. They are your children but they are individuals just like you are. They do not have to share your viewpoints in everything. Effective communication is two way so don’t do all the talking expecting your teen to do all the listening.

Do not compare children. Some children have more struggles than others; some have a learning disability, are slow learners or have a difficult temperament. Be supportive of a child who is struggling and avoid harsh criticisms. The difficulties are not a choice.

Life is challenging and you have all manner of struggles from financial problems to politics, a difficult boss and much more. Incorporate stress coping mechanisms into your life so that you do not end up exploding on your teenagers when they upset you. Learn how to maintain your cool when your teens make mistakes.

Dumping your anger on them should not happen as it can do great damage. Avoid provoking your teen to wrath through harsh words, belittling, embarrassment and bruising attacks. Deal with your anger and frustrations in private then address issues with your teen when you are sober and composed.

Do not leave the work of parenting your teen to teachers. Their work is to focus on academics and their work load leaves them little room to play other roles in the lives of students. Make sure to be spending time with your teen during school holidays and to also be a good listener.

Have activities that make you and your teen work together and you will be able to observe a lot of things. Your teen might express concern about the school or something else like a relative who lives with the family or a neighbor. Do not be quick to dismiss those concerns but listen and genuinely care. Use your discretion to decide if the teen needs to be transferred from a school.

Never ignore any symptoms that could suggest that your teen is depressed. Teen depression needs to be adequately treated otherwise it could predispose the individual to later episodes of depression. Depression cannot be wished away and symptoms rarely just go away without intervention. Untreated depression could lead to suicide or other complications such as engaging in criminal activities.
This article is written by Susan Catherine Keter
Website: www.susancatherineketer.com

Financial Independence Africa
Uncategorized |

September 3, 2017

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Be Angry But Sin Not: Anger Management Tips

Everyone knows what anger is for no one is free from this human emotion. Anger is not necessarily a bad thing as it motivates and pushes us to action. The emotion of anger not only saves us from potentially dangerous situations but also makes us improve our lives. Anger is like the red light on a car’s dashboard; it alerts us that something is wrong and in need of attention. Ignore it at your own peril.

We cannot completely eliminate situations and people who provoke anger in us so it is important to learn how to deal with it correctly. Our internal stability has a very important role to play in determining how we respond when we are provoked. There are people who explode and do great damage, which they often live to regret. This is normally because of being overwhelmed by a myriad of piled up issues ranging from frustrations, regrets, self-esteem issues, shame, and embarrassment.

Causes of Anger Management Issues

Upbringing plays a major role in shaping an individual’s responses to anger. There are families that are known to have anger issues. This could be partly due to genetics coupled with a faulty upbringing environment.

Parents who cannot handle their own anger usually end up dumping it on their helpless children. Their pent-up anger explodes on the children at the slightest provocation, causing fear, self-esteem issues, communication problems and a host of other emotional problems.

The children get very fearful about expressing their emotions, including anger. When they grow up and encounter situations that awaken emotions in them, their body responses get confused for they learned from a young age that expressing emotions is wrong.

Imbalanced religious teachings can cause anger management issues. When anger is portrayed as sin and acting composed in the face of provocation glorified, people can learn to put on a show rather than acknowledging that they have been wronged and they are angry.

Such people use a lot of effort to remain cool even when they do not feel that way. They fail to address anger and the issues that cause it. The anger simply accumulates and piles up; it does not go away.

Anger should not be ignored or denied as that is like covering up a wound without treating it. It will only get infected.

Consequences of Poorly Managed Anger

Mismanaged anger Hurts your Health

* Anger that is kept on the inside can cause high blood pressure, diabetes, depression, heart diseases, compromised immunity and mental health problems. Unhandled anger has led many to a premature grave.

Mismanaged anger hurts relationships 

* It clouds your judgment making you a mind reader. You prejudge people without hearing them out, quickly jumping to conclusions. This destroys communication and strains relationships.

* Resentment, overgeneralizing, intolerance, stereotyping and seeing other people through the lenses of your own pain. “You always treat me this way. All women behave like that. All men are like that. All the people from such and such a place are like that.” It takes away the ability to judge issues rationally.

* Passive anger is hidden anger. It leads to behaviors that put others off such as making hurting and cutting remarks, putting others down, getting into unnecessary conflicts, inability to have empathy or rejoicing over other people’s pain and making jokes out of other people’s suffering.

*  Intolerance: Your way is the only right way and everyone else is wrong. You go around being judgmental, correcting everyone and trying to show them that their way is wrong and yours is correct, and get angry when others don’t buy that point of view.

Buried anger also has a way of showing up without warning, sometimes in an embarrassing manner. Someone crosses your path and you explode in rage, releasing tonnes of anger that have piled up over the years. This plays a major role in road rage.

Mismanaged Anger Hurts Destroys Your Career

Out-of-control anger makes it difficult for you to engage in rational discussions and give balanced contributions. One gets emotional and upset when dealing with superiors and colleagues and their contributions are lost in the emotional outbursts.

Anger might explode when one is chairing a very important meeting or addressing an important audience. Someone touches a raw nerve and before you know it, you fly off the hook and verbally throw up all over the place. This leads to a ruined reputation and lost opportunities.

There are people who brag about how feared they are because no one dares cross their paths as their anger is legendary. There is nothing to be proud of if you have anger management issues. People might fear your wrath and avoid upsetting you but you will destroy many relationships and lose a lot of opportunities.

Do you have anger issues? Here are tips to help you manage your anger effectively.

1. Do not suppress your anger and pretend to be okay. Anger is an emotion like any other so it is normal to experience it. As much as possible deal with your anger privately, the way you handle your grooming. Acknowledge that you are angry. Face up to the situation that made you angry and address it. Somebody provoked you and you are justified to get angry.

Isolate the deed from the person as no one is all good or all bad. None of us is perfect so go ahead and make excuses for the person; “maybe he is going through a rough time and did not mean any harm”.

Look at the good that can come out of the incident. “Yes, he told me some hurting words but the message given was not all bad as there are some issues he raised that I need to work on.” Accept that other people cannot be like you as we are all different. Practice being more tolerant of others as you are not perfect either and need understanding from others too.

2. Getting angry too often is not good for you so avoid putting yourself in situations where you are likely to be provoked. Avoid toxic people if you can and minimize your dealings with them. And when you cannot help but deal with them, avoid being drawn into arguments.

If you have a boss or a close family member who has anger issues, learn to hold your peace when they explode. Avoid trying to explain things when the person is angry but wait till they have cooled down before attempting a conversation.

Learn what helps to keep you calm in the face of provocation. Maybe going through the words of your favorite song in your mind or reliving an experience that made you very happy works for you. Other people count one to ten when provoked. Meditation helps too; “inhale, exhale. Breathe in, breathe out.” Breathing deeply does help in releasing tension and calming an angry person.

3. Walk away from situations that show signs of getting out of hand. It is better to walk out in the middle of a heated discussion than to keep going, lose your cool and do something you will live to regret. Address the issue later when you are calm.

4. Being misunderstood or criticized is a major cause of anger. It is natural to become defensive and fight back when such things happen. It is possible to even lash out at the one(s) attacking you. Do everything possible to avoid getting into an exchange but rather listen and let the other party know that you have heard. Respond later when the circumstances are more conducive. Trying to reason with an angry person only adds fuel to the fire so don’t give in to the temptation.

5. Deal with your bigger anger issues. Many times the explosive reaction is not just about the here and now but about other issues you associate it with. Maybe when you were little you were bullied and a sarcastic remark directed at you has brought back those buried memories. Maybe something happened years ago that hurt you and something has just happened that has made you live through the pain all over again.

Deal with your pent-up issues no matter how old they are, so that you set yourself free. Face up to them and acknowledge that you were hurt when those things happened. Do not explain things away but deal with them so that you release them from your system.

Maybe your parents favored your sibling over you and every time someone says something that reminds you of the pain of growing up, you explode in bouts of anger. Maybe a friend betrayed you years ago and any time someone makes a statement that reminds you of that friend you lose your cool.

Probably someone’s tone has brought back memories of the way your mother or father used to talk to you when beating you up when you were little. Acknowledge the real cause of your anger, face up to it and make peace with it so that you are free.

6. Change the circumstances. If you are sitting down, stand up or take a walk. Take a few minutes away in a private place and stretch, massage the areas that are experiencing tension and engage in some brief but vigorous physical exercise. The increase in oxygen flow to the brain will improve your mood.

7. Change your routines and you will enjoy an overall better mood throughout the day. Wake up early so that you do not have to rush through the morning. Take some few minutes to practice deep breathing with the windows open. Incorporate physical exercise into your morning regime, even just 7 to 10 minutes of vigorous exercise.

Break the overnight fast by drinking water before you eat anything, to cleanse the body of the previous day’s toxins. Eat a healthy breakfast. Read or listen to something motivational to set your mood for the day, which you can do while commuting.

8. Work on your mindset so that you become a positive thinker. Nurture your mind daily by reading or listening to motivational material and filtering out negative thoughts. Train yourself to kick out negative thoughts whenever they creep into your mind. Kick out worry, fear, regrets, thoughts of revenge and any other negative thoughts as soon as they appear. Practice positive self-talk; “I am amazing. I am blessed. Life is good. I love my life. Today is going to be a great day.”

9. Take responsibility for your life. One major cause of anger is feeling like a victim. No matter what your situation is, there is always something you can do. Focus on possible solutions and reject the attitude that your life is the way it is because of someone else. You are the captain of your life so get into the driver’s seat and take charge. Expecting someone else to make your life better will keep you frustrated and predispose you to anger.

10. Learn to forgive. We all get wronged and those who wrong us do not always acknowledge what they did and neither do they always ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness is a journey and there is no rule about how long it takes to forgive so allow yourself to feel the pain when you are wronged, to grieve over your losses, accept what has happened and heal.

Cry behind closed doors if you have to and punch your pillow if you feel like doing so. Do not judge yourself for experiencing anger. Allow yourself to let go of the pain so that you can heal. Finding it in your heart to forgive those who have wronged you sets you free to live a happier and more fulfilled life.

Learning to manage your anger results in a better quality of life. It takes work to rise above anger but it is worth the effort. It is a journey and has its ups and downs. It does not just happen.  You will be failing sometimes but don’t get discouraged. Forgive yourself when you fail and keep going.

If you feel that you are overwhelmed with anger, consider seeking professional help. A counselor or a psychologist can recommend therapies that will improve your quality of life. Seeking the help of a therapist is not a sign of weakness but a choice to take charge of your life.

This article is written by Susan Catherine Keter
Website: www.susancatherineketer.com

Financial Independence Africa