Rozie had tried all she could to overcome a hot temper and she could not win the war. She easily flew off the hook whenever someone crossed her path.
Anger Related Issues
Anger is a sign that someone has been wronged, that someone’s boundaries have been violated. It is like the red light that warns us that all is not well with a car’s engine and that we need to take corrective action.
Anger that is not addressed simply lives inside the heart and destroys the individual’s life. Individuals with injured boundaries are often shocked by the rage they feel inside when they begin setting limits.
The person who has been violated over and over again has learned to comply in order to maintain peace.
When the floodgates of temper finally opens, it can come with such violence that it looks like floods out of a dam that has breached its gates or broken its walls. It is tumultuous and many people often drown in it unless it is well handled.
Grieving Over The Past: Self-Compassion, Self-Nurture
People going through similar pain may not write the way I did. Some may not have the courage to let those who had wronged them know the truth and to say no to the abuse.
I have seen families that do not allow someone who is in pain to go through the grieving process. When the depressed person tries to lament and express him/herself, they see this as disrespectful and shameful.
They save themselves from “shame” but the sick person does not get well. The pain lasts for a very long time and often manifests itself in various negative health conditions.
We read of lamentations in the Bible by the likes of David as he cried to God about the persecution from his enemies. Being in pain or crying out in anguish is common in the Bible. Even Jesus cried in anguish as he suffered on the cross.
The grief is not hidden, but the person does not stay in their grief – they call on God and express their faith in him.
Loss and Grief
A grieving person does not need our advice or condemnation; just a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and permission to download and resolve the pain. The best way to give guidance is to ask questions that give the person direction.
Not all counselors are competent to walk with a grieving person so it is important to look for a qualified and competent one, one who resonates with you.
It was not easy for me to grieve on my own. It was a very painful experience. Sometimes I wept as I downloaded painful memories onto pen and paper. Other times I would become exhausted after writing and feel low and depressed.
Tears Cleanse The Soul; Don’t Stop Them
I read and listened to accounts of other people’s experiences and realized that there was nothing unusual in the way I coped with my pain.
A young mother with little children told me something similar. When the youngsters have been particularly trying or the budget simply can’t be stretched to pay for another much-needed pair of shoes, she either sends her kids to their grandmother’s house for the afternoon or simply locks herself up in her bedroom while the kids are taking a nap, turns up the music and weeps.
My own grieving made me realize that healing is a journey. I still had some imbalance and I could easily be upset during that period.
I am thankful that I took the bull by the horns and struggled to get my life back after depression set in.
If a person grieves completely and empties himself/herself out totally, the healing will be faster and more complete.
The best thing that we can do for a loved one who is going through the grieving process is to provide the opportunity for that person to grieve, even though that may force us to listen to unpleasant things about ourselves and our failures where the patient is concerned.
We should take a grieving family member to a quiet and private place where he/she can pour out the pain and provide quality counseling support to enable the person cope.
Just be there for the person and avoid giving advice or trying to make the person see reason. A hurting person is not seeking for advice but just wants to grieve.
This article is written By Susan Catherine Keter, a life coach, mentor, freelancer and blogger